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The Fleetfoots

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:36 am    Post subject: The Fleetfoots Reply with quote

Moronica hurried up the road toward the Brewer’s Droop. She held a canteen in one hand. Clem Fleetfoot shuffled behind her also carrying a canteen.

“Slow down, Moronica,” he said. “Sun’s hot and muckin-out them ponies is hard work.”

His face red and his forehead glistening, Clem stopped. He took the bandana from his neck and wiped his sweaty brow.

“Come on Clem. I is thirsty,” she called.

With a sigh, he stuffed the bandana into his pocket and followed.

Moronica stopped at the fountain. Sparkling water splashed into the shallow bowl. She dipped her canteen into the fountain, waited for it to fill and then lifted it. Moronica peered inside the canteen and then shook it. She frowned.

“Aint full,” she said. She took a swig of water.

Clem shuffled up beside her.

“Course it aint full. Ya just drank some of it.”

Moronica gave him a look then tried to fill her canteen again.

“See! Cain’t fill her up.” She showed the canteen to Clem. “When I holds it up it taint full.”

Clem stared at the canteen and then looked at the fountain as if trying to fathom something arcane. A slow grin spread over his face.

“Here Cuzin. I kin help you.”

Moronica brighten. “You will?” She held her canteen out expectantly.


Clem took the top off his canteen and scrutinized the rim. He frowned, pulled the crumpled bandana from his pocket and wiped the rim with it. With a satisfied look, he dipped his canteen in the fountain.

“I’ll top yours off fer ya.”

He poured water from his canteen into Moronica’s.

A big smile spreading on her face, Moronica watched

“Well now, don’t that look fine.” She smiled, admiring her brimming canteen. “I always said you’s the smartest.”

Beaming, Clem dipped his canteen into the fountain.

Moronica started to take a drink. She stopped then looked at Clem’s canteen and frowned.

“But now yours aint full,” she said.

Clem shook his canteen.

“Nope. It ain’t,” he said, crestfallen.

Moronica started as if hit by a sudden thought.

“Don’t worry,” she said as she reached out. “I’ll top yours off.”

“Why… thanks.” Clem held his canteen out for her. “That’s mighty nice of you, Mo.”

charissa1066 on Flickriver
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Halfling Heaven
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 9:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Moronica & Dingus -The Circus Performers

The dim lanterns flames flickered at the edge of the ring like forty caged fireflies arranged in a wide arc. In the rings centre, Dingus Fleetfoot was strapped to the vertical disc, whilst at the edge his sister Moronica stood upon a similar vertical disc.... blindfolded.

The crowd watched on from the shadows and a deathly silence filled the circus tent as they sat with bated breath.

Moronica drew herself to her full height and sucked in a lungfull of air. The six sharpened knives were arranged in her left hand in a fan, held at the blade points by her fingertips. Dramatically, she raised her right hand and announced....

A clown ran from the shadows and started the horizontal disc spinning with Moronica atop it like a halfling spinning top. The clown then hastened to Dingus and set the vertical disc spinning also, before vanishing back into the shadows.
Dingus closed his eyes and shouted

The tension from the crowd could be felt as they watched the two spinning hin within the circus ring. The female then selected one of the knives and threw it with precision.
The roar of the crowd was tremendous as the knife slammed, against all odds, into the vertical spinning disc..... narrowly missing the male halflings groin.

Moronica waited for the crowd to calm down again before selecting a second knife. She tossed it lightly into the air, caught it and slammed it skillfully into the vertical disc, directly alongside her brothers right ear.

The crowd went wild. What skill. What wonder.

Moronica selected the third knife and prepared to throw it. An audience member cleared his throat which was slightly hoarse from all the cheering, and Moronica threw the knife.

The crowd screamed. Chaos broke out as the audience stampeded for the exits

Moronica lifted her blindfold and glanced at the slumped audience member with the knife in his chest, which was difficult to focus on because the disc she stood upon was still spinning. The rest of the tent was empty.
In a defiant voice, Moronica exclaimed,
"Hey! Two outta three aint bad!"
Dingus whimpered, "Next time, I wanna blindfold too."

The following days headline.....

Circus twins in knife shock accident. Twins vanish.
Time flys like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dingus does Stand-up Comedy

During their travels, Dingus and Moronica have had many jobs. In this particular tale, they are in Barrydale and Dingus has entered a 'Stand-up Comedy' festival at the theatre. Fancying himself as the next comedy star, he appears on stage in in front of the biggest audience he has ever seen, and brings out his favorite jokes.

"A screwdriver walks into a tavern. The tavernkeeper says, 'We have a drink named after you.', so the screwdriver replies... 'You have a drink named kevin?'"

*the audience is deathly quiet.*

"A fat woman goes to the doctor. She says, 'What are my chances of losing weight?'. The doctor says.... 'Slim.'"

*the silence continues*

"How many surrealists does it take to light a candle?"
*the audience look frustrated as they await the answer to the conundrum*
*a couple of the audience slap their own foreheads at the ridiculous joke, whilst the rest seem to get angered slightly and reach for some small bags at their feet.*

"Okay, okay, this one will get ya laughing. A vampire came into the crypt in the middle of the night and settled down amongst all the other vampires, ready to get some sleep. His face was covered in fresh blood. Upon seeing this, the other vampires all started to harass him by asking where he got the blood. The vampire got annoyed and told them to leave him alone because he was too tired, but they all persisted. Finally, the vampire gave in and told them to follow him. He changed into a bat and flew from the crypt with all the other vampires following. Across the valley he flew.... then past the sleeping city... past the river... over the mountain...and finally came to a forest."
*the audience reach into their little bags, almost in unison*
"'Do you see that big oak tree?' said the vampire. 'Yes, yes' replied all the other vampires greedily..... 'Well, I didn't.'"

*Dingus looks at the crowd and awaits their applause... glancing at the various fruit they all pull from their little bags. Suddenly, the stage is bombarded by a hail of rotten tomatoes, apples and fruit of all descriptions*

-Meanwhile.... outside the theatre, Moronica is standing at a makeshift stall. She takes money from a customer and hands him a small bag-

Time flys like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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